I do love your baby... but NOT at the Wedding.

Ladies,

So this week we have really been focusing our wedding attentions to the invites... A daunting task to say the least. However, I do have to give some wedding love to my ever wonderful fiance for being very proactive and a huge part of the creating, designing, and selection of our invites! He and his dad have been working really hard on getting the wording, layout, etc just perfect for the last few weeks. Which brings me to the question of the day! How do I word...

 "Don't bring your baby to my wedding! I don't want it screaming and interrupting our ceremony, and I don't want to pay $50 a head for a 2 year old to eat a dinner roll", in a nice way and according to etiquette?

I realize that I may sound like a completely crazy bridezilla. So for that... I am kind of sorry. However, I stand firm in my decision that if your baby cannot drive itself to the ceremony/reception, or if it is not carrying a ring bearer pillow or throwing rose petals down the aisle...it's not invited. If your baby cannot hold its own fork to feed itself, or you still have to hide knives from it at the dinner table, or if it can't have a bourbon and diet...its likely not invited. Now, the bourbon and diet thing is questionable. # 1 because some parents might think boozing up your baby for sedation purposes/ "the sore gums from teething" wise tale is ok. And #2 some adults we are inviting really shouldn't be allowed to have bourbon/wine/alcohol of any kind past 2 bevys, but that's a completely different kind of baby.

Don't get me wrong people, there is a high likelihood that I love your baby and I too think your baby is precious and the most wonderful thing in the world. I know you think your baby won't cry during our ceremony because it is, "SO GOOD!, She/He never makes a peep in public places!" I am sure you are completely outraged at my stance on you not bringing your precious little angel because of their "always" good behavior. I know better folks. Let's say for a moment that your judgment is slightly clouded...perhaps the sound of your baby crying/ga-ga-goo-gooing has become almost like static white noise in your mind. Or maybe you are so sleep deprived from the constant crying you think only 10 minutes of crying is like no noise at all. What you may think is a very quiet and minuet coo is in fact a noise loud enough during the ceremony to prompt me...in wedding gown/full hair and make up, mid vows... to turn and stink eye you in my fit of fury regarding your little muffins noises! Embarrassing? Unnecessary? Easily Avoidable? YES on ALLLLLLLL accounts! (A word to the wise, in case any of our guests miss the memo or aren't able to understand wedding invite etiquette, we have back up. My brother the baby bouncer :).)

I realize its hard to come by a big event where all your distant friends and relatives may be in the same place at the same time since your little bundle of joy has graced the earth with its presence. I completely understand the need to show your baby off to everyone so they can dote and oggle and "oh aren't they grand" all over your mini miracle. Our wedding is NOT that day darlings. That's what birthdays are for! When you want your baby to be showcased have it a little birthday bash. I'll make the cake, I'll arrange for the petting zoo, I'll be your baby party planning extraordinaire. I will come with bells and whistles on to celebrate your baby and every inch of its fantasticness. I LOVE your baby...but not at our nuptials friends! The only persons being showcased on OUR day will be US!

This may be selfish, you may hate my stinking guts for a little while. I think you and I both know we will both sleep better at night knowing that I wont have to stink eye you in my wedding dress mid "I do". For those of you that know me well... you know this would happen. I'm not above stopping the ceremony for a "do-over" while you and your baby sneak out the back door to avoid the bride's evil eye. Don't make me do this...get a babysitter, have some drinks, and meet me on the dance floor. :)

Cheers and Kisses,
A Future MRS.

Emergency! I need your Hair Product Guidance!

Happy Friday Ladies!

I am currently suffering from a serious aliment.... dry, tangley, and overall not cute hair. I'm not sure what the heck is going on. I recently purchased a new shampoo and conditioner, which is awful, thinking it would help with my dry less then lustrous locks. But no this shampoo conditioner combo has made things nothing but worse! Sigh... Whats a girl to do?!

I really need to get this hair situation under control ASAP! We are now starting upon wedding season! Which means showers, luncheons, pictures, and the WEDDING! I need these tangley trusses to be under control and looking fresh and fierce in the next couple weeks. I need your bloggy guidance lady bugs! What products are you using that you love?! I need shampoo and conditioner details like whoa. I need products that will leave this mane shiny, soft, frizz free, and of course pageant poof ready! Plus we have to take into consideration that when weave is added to the mix things get crazy! I need to wash that puppy with something fancy too!

So ladies... tell me your hair secrets... what should I be using?!

Cheers,

A Future MRS.

Something New I'm not really in to....

My new Doctor...

So Ladies... I told you I recently started a new job... Which I LOVE! The people are wonderful (including my new boss...shes amazing!), I get to travel soon to Chicago, and I am typically busy most of the day which is super nice! Of allll the lovely new things I enjoy about my new job there is one looming, daunting, and horrid thing... I have to go to a new doctor. Now, I am not the type of gal who gets super attached to one doctor and must see him and only him for all the days of my medical life. However, I do have standards and some of those include having a doctor who is knowledgeable about medicine, medical care, and basically has been to medical school. I am not sure my new doctor meets these requirements based on my first visit last week. Here's how it went down...

In order to be kind I wont share who or where this office is but you are required to have an extremely extensive first visit in order to be seen regularly so they can "get to know you". My initial visit entailed the following blood tests, peeing in a cup, vision testing, hearing tests, a physical, breathing testing, exercise testing, and finally drum roll please.... the body fat test. Once this test commenced I knew my doctor had gotten is medical degree online. I laid on a body scan machine which told me I had 38.1% body fat. I am 5'2" and I weigh, after my cleanse and continued dieting, 120 LBS. Having 38.1% body fat according to my weight and height would put me in the category of MORBIDLY OBESE. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? I about passed out. I was shocked I couldn't believe it. It's freaking 3 months before my wedding and my quack of a doctor just told me I was morbidly obese. Talk about needing to be talked off a ledge. They never even weighed me or measured my height...where did this number come from? They gave me a food journal and told me to come back in a week for a physical endurance test. No thanks.

I went to Pure Barre that day and the little ladies there did my body fat percentage using their scale and also some measurements online which both came out to 25%. This to me made sense because I work out all the time, eat fairly healthy now, and have lost 11 pounds in the last 5 months. I have never been higher then 25% body fat... even in my prepageant days when I started working out with a trainer... I was 25% body fat then as well...no muscle... and a lot of pizza.

In addition to that special moment with my new MD, he insisted I have a tetanus shot. I asked if it would make me sore or sick. He said, "Maybe for a day or so but nothing big". LIES... ALL LIES! It is a week later and my arm is so sore I can hardly put my shirt on in the morning. I went back to see him yesterday for my physical assessment which I cancelled due to my arm feeling as though it were about to snap off. Instead we chatted about my horrible arm pain. His remedy... Ibuprofen and a hot wash rag.

Dear New DR,

I think our time together will be short lived. Until I see proof that you have an actual medical license, from somewhere other than "MD Certified Online in ONLY 12 months", I will no longer be needing your medical services. You have broken my arm, crushed my spirit with your body fat percentages, and overall taught me that the stethoscope around your neck is more or less decoration. I not completely convinced that you didn't steal that from the supply closet and are masquerading around the office room to room and just haven't been caught yet. I'm on to you Sir. When I have this left arm functioning again... You better sleep with one eye open.

Regards,
Dana

Cheers Ladies,

A Future MRS.